hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
