I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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