I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my shit smells like andre
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
