I met the friendliest cop last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
