I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
