I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
