If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
