Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
