So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
