May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
