Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
