Just cropdusted the office
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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