I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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