All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
