i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
