she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
