The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize