You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
