ya dads aren't the best wingmen
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
