i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
