Whod you bang
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i out mim tonsoeep
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