brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
