This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
