You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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