ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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