Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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