did you get engaged???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
