Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So squirting runs in the family.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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