I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
