Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
