Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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