i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
