I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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