we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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