We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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