If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
