ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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