If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
