Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
