remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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