You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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