Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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