Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
