somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize