I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There's even glitter on my cock...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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