lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
