i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
