By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
