She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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