arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
