im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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