We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
