You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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