i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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