I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
