in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize