I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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