You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
