Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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