Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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