its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize