Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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