Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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