So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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