My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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