whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
