i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
