Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
