If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
