I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize