Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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