i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
