He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
