A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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