we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
