Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
handjob tips. give me some.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
