so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
