rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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