ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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