I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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