I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
