Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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