went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
