so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
