He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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