so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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